Be Awkward About It
On leaning into those squiggly, uncomfortable moments
I was going to do that, but I thought it would be awkward.
Oh no, never mind. I don’t want to be awkward about it.
I could, but I think it would just feel awkward.
I've heard all these things over the years—from students, colleagues, friends, and that little voice in my own head. It's usually in reference to approaching someone we don't know well or talking openly and/or very publicly about something that runs a bit counter to current culture (be that culture in general or just the culture of a particular room at a particular moment).
There are a million reasons why something feels awkward: it's different, it's vulnerable, it's new and unrehearsed. It's a strong belief you hold that you aren't sure someone else shares, it's different from the status quo or how things have always been done. At the root of awkward is always the concept of offering up something without knowing how it will be received.
It's untested. Never tried. Utterly unknown.
Faced with this, our brains do the thing they do to help us avoid pain and convince us that all this untested unknown-ness means there's a chance that we will not be well-received and therefore, to be safe, we should just totally avoid the situation. Not be awkward about it.
I want to pause here and be clear—warning signs can be good and helpful. There are absolutely times when we should listen to a gut feeling that something is off, or not right, or that we're in some sort of danger. The moments of deep awkwardness I'm talking about here are not moments of actual danger. They are things like reaching out to make a "cold" connection with someone you don't know, introducing yourself to a stranger at a conference, putting a piece of writing or art that feels vulnerable into the world to be seen by others, launching that website for your new business even when you don't feel like you're an expert.
They are moments of growth.
When I think back, so many positive things in my life have come from moments of awkwardness. I called someone I'd met casually one time to tell them how much I really wanted an open job in their department. I attended a giant national writers conference totally alone. I stood up to teach Designing Your Life for the first time, to a group of ten students, with only a few days of training under my belt. These moments led to my career in higher education, friendships I still have today, and some of the best, most meaningful moments I've experienced in the classroom. And yet they all started with awkwardness: what if she thinks it's presumptuous that I'm calling about this job, what if no one wants to talk to me and I just stand here looking silly, what if everything I say in this class sounds ridiculous and they all just stare blankly back at me.
So if awkwardness leads to good things—how do we rid ourselves of the fear of it?
We don't.
We feel awkward and we do it anyway.
That's the trick.
And the thing is sometimes it will truly just be awkward, but it's important to remember that we have longer memories for these moments than the other people involved. Are you going to replay that awkward moment in your head for a few hours (read: days)—probably. Is anyone else involved going to think much about it after the moment—unlikely. And while it seems impossible in the thick of it, with time you will also forget the awkward things that didn't pan out. I easily came up with all the examples above about the positive impacts of awkward moments in my life and struggle to think of an example that didn't lead to something awesome (though they absolutely exist).
The point is, if we wait for the awkward feelings to dissipate entirely, we'll never take those next steps that lead to really meaningful growth.
So next time that little voice pops up to convince you not to do something awkward—take a deep breath and be awkward about it anyway.
While we're on the subject of standing in awkwardness—it seems a good time to remind you that The Healthier Hustle is a reader-supported publication. If you feel so inclined and are able to, you can support this work with a paid subscription. Another amazing way to support the work is by sharing with a friend. Both are SO very appreciated.
Beautiful Thing of the Week
Just one little something I found inspiring this week (read last week’s longer list here):
This is one of those hard not to sing along to songs, even on the treadmill or in your office at work with the door open (dramatically lip-syncing and fist-pumping on the treadmill with headphones in—a great worth-it purely awkward moment).
*h/t to Kelton for the awesome
playlist where I discovered this Caitlyn Smith track.