No, this isn’t about the 2004 movie that made everyone want to drink Pinot Noir. The sideways that I’m referencing is the very human tendency for our feelings to sometimes come out all lopsided, opposite, and upside down. The nervousness that displays standoffishness, the fear that flies out of our mouths as anger, the excitement that manifests itself as micromanaging (as in: I love this so much that every detail must be absolutely perfect).
These upside-down expressions can occur any time, but they seem especially prevalent in times of growth and change. Walking into a room full of strangers at that networking event in that industry you’d love to work in is intimidating. You want nothing more than to meet people and ask questions and have conversations, and yet all you seem to be able to come up with are one-word answers that leave an introduction going nowhere. You typically love talking to people, but these stakes feel so high. You’re growing and stretching into new opportunities, the old patterns are disrupted.
There is a big change coming, you’re carving out a new path professionally or going through a big change in a part of your life that’s been stable for quite some time, and suddenly it seems like everything you say sounds defensive or angry. You’re usually great at being part of a team, but suddenly it seems incredibly important that you personally handle every little detail of that project that seems so integral to the new thing you’re creating. Change is swirling everywhere and it’s scary, you want to scream at it or control it, or both at the same time.
I’m sure you’ve seen the illustration where we think this is what growth or progress looks like:
but it really looks like this:
All the sideways emotion stuff is located there in the swerve-y, curly, middle of the What it Really Looks Like graph.
And I’m not here to tell you that there is some secret trick to stopping it. Sideways emotions catch us off guard because we knew we were feeling nervous or scared or excited, but we didn’t expect it to manifest quite the way it did in the moment.
Sure, sometimes it can help to acknowledge how we’re feeling to a trusted friend, mentor, or coach, but even then sometimes we’ll still find ourselves staring in the mirror at the end of the day wondering why we didn’t say ANYTHING/got SO mad/had to pin down ALL those details while people’s eyes glazed over.
We have to give ourselves and those around us some grace on this one. To normalize that the two-steps-forward, one-step-back process of personal growth takes a long time and sometimes spews out the sides unexpectedly. To understand that navigating change means we’re situated right in the very middle of that very non-linear line graph. It’s hard.
And it’s messy and imperfect and there’s nowhere to go except right on through those sideways swerves.
This Week Last Year
Apparently, this time last year, Threads (that Twitter-like social media thing connected to Instagram) had just launched. This still feels true to me:
But you know what, that's okay, because I'm pretty sure it's not actually old Twitter we're craving. There's this normalization that occurs when someone talks about feeling the same way you do about a thing, when we realize we like the same shows and songs. They are these tiny little snippets of human connection that are easier to find when sites are smaller, and we've tricked ourselves into thinking we just want that experience back when what we actually want in our souls is to feel more deeply connected. - It's Giving Early Twitter Vibes
Also, I truly can’t remember the last time I logged onto Threads? Possibly around the same time I wrote that post.
Mindful Moment
I really enjoyed this meditation for writers from
. The affirmations are great if you’ve dealt with rejection or been told/made to feel like you aren’t a “real” writer, or are just having an off day creatively.
*Side note: if you write, you are a writer. Full stop. There is nothing that makes you more or less “real” of a writer.
Squirrel of the Week
Rainbow squirrels?!?! Huge thanks to
for sharing this absolute delight!What’s your experience with sideways emotions? Or navigating change, in general? Did you know there were rainbow squirrels? Had you also mostly forgotten about Threads?
After the two graphics illustrating growth patterns (straight line vs swirls and curves), your insight here was spot-on:
“And it’s messy and imperfect and there’s nowhere to go except right on through those sideways swerves.”
Thank you for this! ;)
Mary!! Thank you so much for sharing my meditation AND for calling my attention to your blog! I actually got to read about my own emotional state and learn about rainbow squirrels at the same time! You are a magician. Thank you. <3