Stuff and Big Things

Which sounds sort of like stuffing, but isn't*

I was in a meeting recently where someone made a comment that really stuck with me. I don't remember the exact wording, of course, but the meaning behind it resonated so much. He talked about how easy it is to just do the day-to-day stuff and feel like you're always doing, doing, doing but not actually accomplishing anything. He continued to say something to the effect of "I want to step away from the stuff and do big things." I'm one hundred percent sure it was more eloquent than that, but anyway, you get the gist.

At the same time I also was reading Oliver Burkeman's latest book, Meditations for Mortals, which served as a great reminder of my biggest takeaway from his book Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals: you'll never get it all done. There will always be more emails, more to-dos, more requests for things. The nature of work today is that it's never done. When I've talked to others about this phenomenon, it seems we fall into two camps: those who feel more stressed by the concept that work is not meant to ever be done and those who find it a relief to drop the pressure of trying to "win" a game that isn't designed to be won. (If you fall into the first camp, this essay might not be super relatable, feel free to scroll down to the squirrels—no one needs more stress in their lives right now!)

I fall squarely into the second group. Acknowledging that it can't all be done feels immensely freeing to me. If it can't all be done—then what does it matter most to me to do? Sometimes I'm really good at discerning those things and prioritizing them, and at other times I feel the phenomenon my colleague described so acutely: the doing, doing, doing and moving nowhere. Here are some things I'm pondering in relation to doing the big things:

First things first, determining what the BIG things are. On the work front for me the big things are typically things like program development, strategic planning, or curriculum creation. Anything that is best done in chunks of uninterrupted time, that will ultimately have a big long-term pay-off but for which the day-to-day progress is harder to see (unlike the immediate stuff of making the count on your inbox go down). And then there are the non-work related BIG things: family, friends, health. And in my mind these are the biggest of the big. The things that I try to prioritize over both the stuff and the big things I mentioned above.

Acknowledging that the stuff is still there and probably needs to be attended to. For most of us, the day-to-day stuff can't just be dropped entirely. There are real people on the other end of that email, expecting an answer (perhaps it's even a big thing for them). We have to take the time to pay monthly bills or buy groceries for the week. But I'm wondering how we might normalize a longer response time for email? Acknowledge that inbox zero (or maybe even inbox ten) isn't a realistic or sustainable goal for most of us? Can we communicate that we don't mind at all if someone nudges a message back to the top of our inbox if it needs to be prioritized? Are there things we're holding on to that could be automated or templated? I'll admit I've got more questions than answers here, but I'm trying to stay curious about it, to try things and see what sticks, to normalize the conversation about not getting stuff done.

Which brings me to grace. For ourselves. For each other. For the process and the acknowledgement that the only way we can focus on the big things is to let some of the other stuff slide. I've gotten to the point that when it takes someone a long time to respond to my email it makes me feel really good. Like I'm not the only one sometimes prioritizing other things. Like I'm not alone in trying to navigate this endless stream of stuff in the way that does the most good and the least harm—yes to others, but also to ourselves.

And that's the ultimate big thing, isn't it? How might we move through this world in which there will never be a lack of stuff vying for our limited attention in a way that makes us feel we've done something meaningful and of purpose.

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This Week Last Year

Every word of this post is still true. I still love writing these pieces. I still don't know precisely how to describe them: "non-fiction, personal essay, vignette?" All three rolled into one? And most of all I'm still grateful beyond words for every moment you spend here with me.

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Squirrel of the Week

Defying gravity.

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How are you navigating the stuff and things of life right now? What are the very biggest things for you? And which stuff is the hardest to wrangle?

Also, if you're celebrating Thanksgiving may the stuffing* (or whatever your favorite side dish is) be delicious!