There's No Easy Recipe for This One
Searching for Grace this Holiday Season
Thanksgiving is this week in the US and my social media feed is full of pretty food pictures, daily gratitudes and reflections on the joy of the season. But food scrolling (way better than doom scrolling, by the way) aside, what if you aren’t feeling totally grateful and joyful in this season of thanks?
For so many people gathering around a table of family falls way short from the perfectly polished ideal. And if you’re just starting a new business or creative project and you haven’t gotten that first paying client or sold that beautifully crafted work, you definitely aren’t excited about your second-cousin-twice-removed’s questions over mashed potatoes: “How’s that writing thing going, anyway? How’s the book selling?” Even if you’ve been at it for a while it can be hard to talk about a year punctuated with so much change and so many things to navigate.
If you’re a creative or entrepreneur who works full-time at another gig and happens to have time off this time of year, then there’s a pressure there, too. It could be external pressure to spend more time than you’d like at social gatherings instead of protecting and carving out time to work on your own thing. Other times it’s the exact opposite, internal pressure to spend less time with others because these precious hours away from your full-time work must be spent on building your business.
Maybe you have super high expectations and feel let down when you don’t get to everything you’d planned for your time off (like the time I told myself I’d write an entire novel over winter break). Whether internal or external, this pressure of what you “should” be doing with your time creates a huge heaping pile of guilt— and you can add all the gravy in the world to that and it still won’t be delicious.
I truly wish there was an easy answer to all this, some beautiful recipe to share that would make the holiday less lonely, less pressure-filled, less packed with unrealistic expectations. There isn’t. But here are just a few things that might help:
If you’re feeling alone— sit with it. I don’t think we do enough as a society to normalize that the holiday season is really hard for well more reasons than the few listed here. It’s okay not to be okay. (But if not okay means you’re feeling like life isn’t worth living, please call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or text HELLO to 741741.)
It might help to limit your time on social media (the whole comparison is the thief of joy thing). Or if you’re there, try hard to remind yourself that there is always more to a perfect picture than what you can see. Know that even those of us who are committed to some level of real-ness online aren’t sharing it all.
Carve out just a few quiet minutes before the holidays to really think about how you want to spend your time as it relates to working on your business versus spending time with others. What will you feel really good about on the other side of a few days off? Once the decision is made try really hard not to second guess. You can reevaluate and make a different choice in the future, but it helps to think of the whole thing as an experiment with no right or wrong answer (because truly there isn’t)
And for those nosy questions— I like to take the tact of answering the question I wish I’d been asked instead, followed by a redirect. Something like: I’m super proud of the progress I’m making as a writer. Hey, is your team still crushing it in the bowling league?
Listen, I know these things are super easy to write up in a neat little list, and really hard to actually do in real life. My biggest hope for all of us this season is find grace for each other, but also an extra portion of it for ourselves. Trust that you are making the best decisions that you can with the information you have in this moment.
Take care of you.
Things of Beauty:
As part of my personal wellness practice I take a moment each day to jot down something that brought me a spark of joy. I use the word “spark” very intentionally, because these things are often tiny (the squirrel perfectly posed on a fence post, a cat in someone’s window, a song or picture that made me smile, an awesome slice of pizza). I share some of these little things in each newsletter, along with some less tiny things that have felt nourishing (podcasts, articles, books, meditations, recipes, etc.)
These amazing stop motion animations from Andrea Love
Yoga with Adrienne’s November practice for Comfort and Nourishment
Kombucha with a squirrel (!):
What’s beautiful in your world this week? Hit reply or leave a comment and let me know. Thanks so much for reading.
Be well,
Mary Chris